Review of Camp Wilkerson, Columbia County, Oregon:
June 2018

is this a pup tent? Stefan and Lucinda on the Liahona Trail

We discovered Camp Wilkerson, a Columbia County park less than 90 minutes from our home here in Oregon, while we were out on a motorcycle ride, checking out Apiary Road, which Stefan found on Google Maps and said, "Hey, let's ride this road." A review online of Camp Wilkerson called it a great "secret", and we see why: in our experience, county parks either have no camping, or have camp sites packed together so tightly it's more of a parking lot (Big Eddy). So most people who want to camp somewhere beautiful don't even bother to check them out. But because of its remote location, we did check out Camp Wilkerson, and it turned out to be even better than we ever dreamed: 11 tent camping sites, three primitive cabins (with heat!), a beautiful horse camp separate from the other campers and only three RV sites - one of which can be rented only in conjunction with the rustic day lodge that could accommodate at least 150 people (the web site says 250). I am stunned that there is no RV pod at this campsite!

There are also five pods of 4-5 Adirondack shelters - shelters that have a roof and walls on three sides and bare wooden bunks for sleeping. Each pod of shelters is secluded by thick trees and brush from other sites. They aren't the best designed Airondack shelters - their wide rather than narrow wall openings mean they provide no protection from cold, and people sleeping on the end will get wet if it rains. Each shelter has bunks that, altogether, sleep eight adults, but some don't have ladders up to the second tier. Also, the Adirondack pods are reserved for groups only - you have to rent the entire pod of four or five shelters. If I'm reading the online information correctly, that means each Adirondack is $25 a night, but you have to rent all four or five, which means it's $100 - $125. The B pod of Adirondack shelters is right across from the very new, beautiful bathroom and shower facility that the horse campers use.

I think any one of pods C, D, E and F would be great for a motorcycle gathering of 40 riders or less (maybe have just four riders per shelter), provided the site would allow all the motorcyclists to park in the Adirondack pod where they were camping.

All camping sites include a picnic table and fire ring.

Upsides of Camp Wilkerson: it's 280 acres of remote wooded bliss, it's SO green and shaded, it's always at least a little cooler than anything in the valley, the tent camp sites are separate from all the other sites, the hiking on the 3.6 or so mile Liahona Trail is lovely, there's free, clean water near most of the tent sites, you don't have to pack out your trash (but do take your bottles and cans out - come on...) and the bathrooms have free showers. This is a beautiful camp ground, truly. And all sites are reservable!

Downsides of Camp Wilkerson: the bathrooms are VERY far from the tent sites (they really, really need a pit toilet down in the tent area), Liahona Trail is quite overgrown and many signs are covered in weeds, other trails are completely abandoned even though there are still signs for such, there is no map of the trails available to carry with you in the park (either print out this one before you go or take a photo of the trail map at the lodge with your smartphone for reference), you are likely to hear a lot of guns from shooters who knows where, the camp host is too far away to enforce quiet hours, there is no onsite bins for bottles and cans (you would think a scout troop would do that) and there are no walk-in overflow tent camping sites (the long abandoned amphitheater and horseshoe pits should be made into this!).

If there was more cabins and RV sites, I would say this would be an incredible wedding site - you could get married in the "school house" and have your reception either in tents next door or in the rustic day-use lodge (it has a kitchen). Otherwise, your guests have to camp in tents or in the oh-so-primitive Adirondack shelters.

There's also day parking - day use fee is $5. Totally worth it to go here and hike.

This would be a great place to base yourself if you wanted to ride your motorcycle every day through beautiful winding paved and gravel roads to and from the coast and through Tillamook and Clatsop forests. It's also near enough to Vernonia for you to have lunch or dinner there, or pick up groceries you forgot.

Hiking:

The Liahona Trail, named after an ancient compass mentioned in the Book of Mormon, is supposedly 3.6 miles, but we think it's 4 if you include the Lower Big Foot Road to and from the tent camping area. It's mostly tree-covered - perfect for a hot day. It is shared by horse riders, and as long as your dog is leashed and you give the horses plenty of space to pass, it's all good. Liahona has a couple of very steep parts but is otherwise relatively easy, if very overgrown in spots. In June 2017, there were some long, deep muddy tracks and there is no bridge over Oak Ranch Creek - you will either have to get your feet wet or do your best on whatever rocks someone has put across the creek (if at all). There are a few spots where you can make your hike shorter and cut back into the campground, or skip sections altogether, however, as of June 2017, all spurs, as well as Cedar Hill "road" and Upper Bigfoot "road" were no longer visible at all - completely overgrown and impassable.

Little Foot trail is super easy and weaves in and out of the Adirondack Shelter pods - if no one is staying in those, it's a great hike, but if they are occupied, folks there might not appreciate your traipsing through.

Lower Bigfoot Road is passable and a good way for tent campers to start the Liahona Trail.

Supposedly, there are wider forest roads that allow for five, seven or 10-mile loops, but we have no idea which these are or where to find maps of such.

So, our story:

About three weeks in advance, I started looking for a cabin or tent site relatively near us we could book. Last year, we had had to turn back from camping and go back home for the first time ever because we couldn't find a camp site - every first-come-first-served camp ground in Tillamook Forest was full by 3 p.m. on that weekend in July, AFTER July 4th, and we didn't want to get turned away again on our first camping outing of 2018. As I said, we had discovered Camp Wilkerson while out on a motorcycle ride. The campground uses Reserve America for booking, and I was having trouble booking a place using the site - the search claimed there was nothing available the weekend I wanted, but the availability map showed one tent spot still available on both the Friday and Saturday I wanted. So I clicked on that tent image of the available site and was able to book it both nights. Later, I realized it was Father's Day weekend, and I was doubly glad we were booking in advance - I assume that Father's Day weekend is a big camping weekend in Oregon and that all first-come first-serve camp sites would be full by 10 a.m. Friday, even if check in time was supposed to be much later - and we can't get anywhere that early on a Friday.

We headed out at 1 p.m. from our home in Washington County. We made great time - but were stopped for about 20 minutes on 47 because of a log truck accident up ahead. No problem, except for the trucker behind us who walked up while we stood outside the car and started talking to us - and then started in on politics, entirely unprompted by me or anyone else (we were just talking about our car - he said he really liked it). He just suddenly, out of the blue, said the current President was "better than that guy from Kenya." I just walked away. He laughed and went to the car behind us to say, "Wow, I really made her mad!" Oh, Kentucky, you have no monopoly on white trash assholes, you really don't.

We pulled into Camp Wilkerson by 3 p.m. and went down the long, long road to the camp ground. The entirely empty campground. After some confusion, we found the tent camping area and our tent spot right up front - my name was on the camp site sign, with Friday and Saturday's dates marked. I always need to see that for myself before I calm down and start enjoying our trip. We got Lucy out and walked around the loop, noticing that every tent site was booked for Saturday night, but not Friday night, by the same name - let's call it Mastery Enlightenment, rather than their real name. We set up our tent and then toured the entire camp ground, via the Little Foot trail, including all of the Adirondack Shelter pods. And other than some folks in the horse camp, we were entirely alone, because every site - the lodge, the school house, and every Adirondack pod, was booked by Mastery Enlightenment. That meant that it was very likely we were going to be entirely alone in the park Friday night, except for the far-away host and the horse campers, because people want to camp BOTH nights, not just Friday night. Stefan also noted that our tent site, #11, isn't on the printed map of the campground.

We were in heaven. It was SO quiet. After exploring the camp ground, we just sat at the picnic table listening to the sounds of the forest. I almost wanted to cry - I had prepared myself for lots of screaming kids and drunken fathers on this Father's Day weekend. And we were in silence!

We also made endless jokes about Mastery Enlightenment. Was it a cult? A Christian youth group? A multi-level marketing scheme? An S & M group? Would there be a guru? A Mistress of Discipline? Would they wear outfits?

Just as we finished supper, an SUV came down followed by two motorcycle riders. They were all going to try to cram into the tiny site they had reserved online that day for the night, but we rushed over and told them the whole place was empty Friday night and they could choose anywhere else, so they did. We so rarely meet other motorcycle travelers in camp sites when we travel by motorcycle - and here were were, sans bike, finally meeting some. They have a sweet deal - the couple that ride on their motorcycles (the guy is from Kentucky, believe it or not, the gal is from Poland) are followed by their friends and their dog in an SUV. We totally want that arrangement! They ride 250s, so can't take much on their bikes, but they can do gravel roads much easier than me!

The camp host brought them firewood they'd asked for earlier and we talked to him briefly. Other than the completely inappropriate and uncalled for "Heil Hitler" salute when he was talking about his Medicare/Medicaid benefits - once again, an entirely unsolicited topic of discussion by me - he was a very nice man. He said that he thought the group was some kind of teacher's group and that he'd only heard about them a few days before.

It was a good thing we brought our earplugs, because our fellow travelers stayed up well past midnight talking. I appreciate that they were out to socialize, but as I've said many times: a tent campground is one big bedroom. No matter how quietly you talk, you are being heard by everyone else sleeping in the bedroom. Please respect quiet hours, and if you can't, go talk somewhere where you won't disturb folks - like the vast, empty lodge?

Lucinda did well in the tent. We bring her bed and a little children's air mattress I bought for Wiley and Buster once upon a time, for when we tent camped... and I wrapped her in blankets so she would stay warm - it got quite chilly, though no where near freezing. She loves that we are all in one big bed together.

We got up for good the next morning around 8 a.m., made breakfast, and went on our hike on the Liahona Trail. It is a terrific trail, but it really, really needs a day of trail cleanup. A group of half a dozen folks could do wonders in just one day with this trail: the wooden bridge on the south loop needs all the moss and mud cleared off it or it will be rotten by next year, all of the trail signs need to have the foliage cleaned out around them, and there are some overgrown trees and bushes that could be cut back with just some clippers - no need for saws or machetes. There is a really, really steep part, and a few times, the mud was well past ankle deep (and you have to go far into the weeds on the side to avoid it), but otherwise, it's really nice. The trail is shared by horses and their riders. Two came by when we were stopped, sitting on a log, having lunch - Lucy sat quietly, from behind the log, perfectly still, watching, and she spooked the horses, who didn't see her until they were passing by and when they did, must have thought she was a predator. The riders were very nice and encouraged me to keep cooing at the horses as they passed us, to calm them down, which I was happy to do. Horses are so gorgeous... oh to be rich and be able to afford one... or four.

We got back to our camp site at 2ish, after almost 3 hours of hiking, and decided to take a nap. After all, 2 p.m. is check-in time at the camp ground, and the cult / MLM scheme / Christian group would be arriving any moment. They would have registration tables and schedules and table decorations at the lodge and maybe even outfits, right? Perhaps we wouldn't be getting much sleep that night, so now was our chance!

We woke after a glorious 90 minute nap and - nothing. Still no one. We read, I wrote in my journal, and we continued to both enjoy the silence and be bewildered by this group that had ruined Father's Day camping dreams for dozens of people - but not us. And how in the world would they assign camp sites?  And did the people that would stay in the Adirondack shelters know that they needed air mattresses and very warm sleeping bags and climbing abilities? And why hadn't they started cooking supper yet for this massive group that would arrive any minute?!?

As we were cleaning up after supper, two women started walking into the tent camp loop with great determination. I said to Stefan, "They look like home schoolers." Welp, I was close: Mastery Enlightenment is a charter school. And these two were PISSED. They walked past us a bit, then came back, and I could hear the anger in the voice as soon as I heard "Excuse me..."

They wanted to know if we had booked our site online and when. I smiled, said yes, and told them when. They said they were very confused by that since they "had paid for the entire campground a year ago." I smiled, shrugged and said there had been only one tent camp site available on the booking site, that everything else was marked reserved, and so I booked it. They said that their school had booked the entire site a year in advance, and they weren't blaming me, oh no, and of course I had a right to stay, but they had booked the entire campground "because of the children" and they "didn't want any liability risk" by having any non-school affiliated folks around. And that included the horse campers - they believed that, when booking the entire site, it had included the horse camp too. Which doesn't make sense if you've seen the campground - the horse camp area is like an entirely separate campground. And when we got home, I did some research and found that the Columbia County chapter of Oregon Equestrian Trails paid for and installed those horse camps in 2017. Any info about those camps online or in print says you have to bring a horse in order to rent any space within that area.

Then they told us we would probably be alone in the camp site that night, and that's when we learned the REAL reason they were SO pissed off: they started rattling on about how they hadn't known when they booked out the entire campground that particular weekend that there was a festival in one town nearby at the same time as well as a parade in another town nearby and a bicycle race out on Apiary Road on Saturday and Father's Day on Sunday (guess their school doesn't use calendars) and, with all those conflicts which they had NO IDEA about not many people were going to be coming despite all their hard work and all the money they shelled out for the entire park. We listened and nodded and tried to look sympathetic. I assured them we wouldn't bother their group and that we would be very clean and that they wouldn't lose their cleaning deposit because of us, they assured me they weren't worried about any of that (even though it sure sounded like it), we all wished each other well, they walked away, and I admit now that Stefan and I immediately started in on some of the meanest jokes that have probably ever come out of my mouth, both because of my hatred of charter schools and because of these women's piss poor planning skills that were the REAL reason their night-of-camping was such a disaster. Really, you didn't look online or at a calendar when you planned this? You don't know Father's Day is always the third weekend in June? And you think people will just come camping because you said they should because of how much money you paid? Borrow some goddamn corn hole boards, a bocci ball set and some badminton sets and offer some food beyond a few burgers and hot dogs at the lodge at 7 at night, you idiots. Otherwise, why in the world is it worth it to pack up all your crap and to camp for just ONE night?

Then I tore into the whole "liability" argument: Excuse me, Charter School guru, but unless you have done a criminal background check and character-based interview with every parent of every child at your school, plus any family members 14 or over that will be attending your camp out, I am no greater liability risk to those kids than the parents and other family members are. You think because you have met the parents, because you see them around, because their kids go to your school, that they are somehow magically safe for all kids to be around? Bite me.

Later, we took an evening walk up around the horse camp and back and saw four trucks crowded around the lodge, one of them blaring music on the radio, and parent sitting around in lawn chairs, one of them yelling, "My kid is a BAD ASS is what he is! A bad ass!" And a pot-bellied guy we'd seen earlier walking around with a can of Coors, saying to his two young girls, "Okay, girls, let's go for a hike!" - he was there too, now sans the can. Yeah, I'm definitely the one you should worry about around your kids, lady. Hey, kid, hold my beer.

The reality is that they wanted to have a big screaming par-tay and not have anyone complain about it and THAT'S why they rented all the camping spots - and they were pissed that only a handful of folks had turned out. 

We got back to our site and thought, well, what a great way to spend our last night, in peace and quiet. We cooked our supper - and an RV pulled into the RV site at the top of the tent camp loop, and the inhabitants' kids proceeded to yell for two SOLID hours. Not even kidding. It was constant. And then one of the kids screamed, over and over again, for 30  minutes, "IT HIT ME LIKE A hurriCAAAAAANE", emphasis on the last syllable. Screaming. Like it was a stuck record. Screaming. I know it was 30 minutes because I TIMED IT. Finally, at long last, an adult male voice said, "Okay, Robbie, that's enough. No more." The group did all go quiet by 11, and I was oh-so-grateful. So much for our empty, quiet camp site that last night... but I was determined not to be upset because, honestly, I thought we'd be surrounded by "Robbies" all weekend. And we were able to sleep all night in silence.

Honestly, the beauty of the campground, the lovely hike, and all those hours we had the place to ourselves - totally worth it. A great weekend. And we most definitely will go again.

Next morning, we had planned on hiking the rest of the Liahona Trail, but Stefan suddenly wasn't feeling well at all, so we walked Lucy a bit, I had a very light breakfast, and then we packed up and headed home - and, remarkably, made it back in exactly one hour. While Stefan napped, I checked out the World Cup: Mexico beat Germany?!? And fans caused a mild Earthquake in Mexico City at the moment of the goal? Hilarious. And then I watched the last half of the Switzerland - Brazil game. And then I wrote this travelogue.

One final note:

There is a montage of signs on the bathrooms at Camp Wilkerson that are graphic representations of what is and isn't allowed in the park. And one of the images is a wine glass with a red line through it. Apparently this is a holdover from a 2016 policy that said alcohol was prohibited at Columbia County parks. As of 2018, that policy has changed.

Also see:
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